“This Year, I Will …” - Keeping the Commitments We Make to Ourselves

How many times have you said to yourself -

“This year, I will … improve my health, change a habit, manage my time or finances more effectively, develop a skill, improve my performance, devote more time to an important relationship, add a hobby, or finally do something I have been putting off?”

So, how has that worked out for you thus far?

Many see the start of a new year as the perfect time to address habits, set personal goals, or realign priorities. In doing so, our minds can become filled with optimism and positivity as we wish, hope for and even dream of success.

Unfortunately, studies show that most are left with unfulfilled hopes, unrealized dreams and wishes that never come true.

Our lack of follow-through invariably trips us up at some point, as the change or goal attainment we envision fails to magically become a reality. Consequently, we are left with the same old version of ourselves in the same circumstances and with the same or similar outcomes.

Frankly, the whole process sounds kind of depressing.

But perhaps there is something important to learn if we ask ourselves -

What might be getting in the way of our keeping our commitments?

The answer to this question matters because many of the same things that have kept us from following through in the past can just as easily get in the way of what we want to do next.

Why?

We often focus on what we intend to do without fully understanding what may interfere with us actually doing it.

So before completing the sentence “This year, I will…”, perhaps we should spend some time understanding why there is a high probability it will become “This year, I won't.”

Why “We Won’t” When We Say “We Will”

We can become frustrated with ourselves and life when we consistently fail to honor the commitments we make to ourselves. Before we can change that, we need to understand why “I will” becomes “I won’t.”

Sometimes the real problem is that we don’t know what the problem is in the first place.

Until we identify the underlying issue, we may keep falling short of what we want, plan, and commit to do.

Some issues might include -

• Existing habits and patterns that are ingrained.

  Repeated behaviors become familiar and increasingly automatic. We may decide to do something differently, but find ourselves fighting against habits and patterns that may have been reinforced for years.

• Expectations that are unrealistic.

  We may underestimate the time, effort, difficulty, changes or sacrifices required to accomplish what we want. We can’t expect perfection either. Unrealistic expectations can leave us unprepared for the frustrations, difficulties and setbacks that come when reality does not match what we expected.

• Lacking sufficient motivation.

  Motivation involves more than wanting an outcome. It depends on how important it is to us, whether we believe we can achieve it, and whether we're ready to take action. If any of these are lacking, we may never move beyond wanting or intending to do it.

• Lacking commitment.

  Motivation may get us started, but a firm commitment helps us persevere when motivation fluctuates. At some point, “I want to” or “I intend to” has to become “I will” - making the commitment non-negotiable and taking the actions necessary to support it.

• Too many competing priorities.

  Work, family, responsibilities, unexpected events, and other priorities can compete for our limited time and attention, making it difficult to give each the attention it requires. Unestablished or unenforced boundaries can make the problem worse by allowing other demands to continually intrude. Unless we make room for what we have committed to and protect it, it can easily get pushed aside.

• Confusing activity with accomplishment.

  We can stay busy and work hard without taking the actions necessary to produce the results we want. We must intentionally focus our time, attention and energy on specific actions to achieve our desired outcomes.

• Unwillingness to make or sustain the necessary sacrifices.

  Accomplishing something important often requires trade-offs with other priorities, wants, needs, or commitments, as well as sacrifices of time, comfort, convenience, money, or immediate gratification. Our commitment is tested when we have to sustain those sacrifices and trade-offs in order to do what we said we would do.

The bottom line is this -

If we don't understand what has kept us from following through, why should we expect another “I will” to produce a different result?

From Making to Keeping Our Commitments

Making a commitment is only the beginning. Keeping it requires us to examine ourselves, face the realities involved, and consider the choices and actions necessary to follow through.

What might we be failing or unwilling to see?

Reflect honestly on your tendencies and past experiences. What patterns keep repeating? Where have previous efforts broken down? What do your choices, actions, and results tell you? Use what you have learned to identify what may need to change.

What truth and reality might we need to face?

Be truthful with yourself about your motivation, expectations, habits, and commitment. Then face the realities you may have overlooked. What will this actually require in time, effort, resources, change, and sacrifice? What limitations or factors beyond your control must you accept and work within?

How important is this commitment to us?

Decide whether this really matters enough to pursue and why. Consider the beliefs, values, priorities, and reasons that make it important. If it is truly important, “I want to” or “I intend to” needs to become a firm “I will.”

Do our choices align with our commitment?

Our priorities, decisions, habits, boundaries, and use of resources all involve choices. Examine whether the choices you make in each of these areas align with and support your commitment. Where they conflict, determine what may need to change or receive less to give the commitment the priority it requires.

Have we integrated our commitment into our lives?

Once we have aligned our choices with our commitment, we have to integrate those choices into the way we live. This may require changes to our routines, habits, schedules, and other aspects of daily life. The goal is for the commitment to become part of how we live rather than something continually competing for a place in it.

Are we maintaining our focus?

Intentionally direct your time, attention, and energy toward what you have committed to accomplishing. When distractions, competing demands, or old habits pull you away, refocus on what matters, why you committed to it, and the cost of ignoring it.

Are our actions producing the intended results?

Examine whether the actions you are taking are actually moving you toward what you committed to accomplishing. Pay attention to the results, learn from what works and what does not, make necessary adjustments, and continue taking the appropriate actions needed to move toward the desired outcome.

When we fail to keep a commitment, the problem may be found in the answers to any of these questions.

We may ignore or retreat from something we don't want to see in ourselves, fail to seek or accept the truth or face hard realities, fail to connect to what makes our commitment important, make choices that do not support it, fail to integrate it into the way we live, lose focus on keeping it, or fail to take the intentional actions necessary to produce the results we intended.

How important a commitment truly is to us is demonstrated not merely by what we say, but by the choices we make and the actions we take to keep it.

Final Thoughts

There is nothing wrong with saying, "This year, I will…" or even "Next month," "next week," or "tomorrow I will."

Making a commitment is one thing. Keeping our commitment - when motivation fluctuates, old habits interfere with new habits, other things get in the way, or sacrifices must be sustained - is a completely different thing.

The struggle between what we intend to do and what we actually do is nothing new. The Bible describes similar struggles faced by the Apostle Paul -

"I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time." - Romans 7:18 - 20 (MSG)

Paul was addressing something far deeper than our inability to follow through on a goal or resolution, but his words describe a tension we can all recognize -

What we want or intend to do and what we actually do are not always the same.

Keeping those commitments will not always be easy. Progress may be slower than expected, motivation may fluctuate, circumstances may change, and we may, at times, take one step back before taking two steps forward. We have to learn, adjust, and continue taking the appropriate actions to accomplish what we have committed to.

So whether the words are “This year, I will,” “Next month, I will,” “Next week, I will,” or “Tomorrow, I will,” ask yourself the following questions -

What makes this commitment important enough to keep?

What is the cost of not following through?

What might get in the way of fulfilling this commitment?

Am I willing to make the necessary trade-offs and sacrifices?

What might I need to do differently, based on past experience, to honor my commitment?