Living from the Outside In: What We Lose When We Build Life Around the Wrong Things
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How do you define success? Is it by what you achieve, what you own, the title or credentials you hold - or something more profound like the impact you have on others?
What measure do you use to evaluate your life - how you work, how you lead, how you relate, and who you're becoming? Is it based on outcomes and what others think of you - or on how well your life reflects your values?
Today's culture pushes us to pursue what's easily measured and widely admired -
- Power - What we control
- Position - What title or status we hold
- Possessions - What we accumulate
- Performance - What we achieve
- Popularity - How we're perceived
From this perspective, success is external. It's measured by outcomes, optics, and others' opinions.
But as I learned firsthand earlier in life, there's a deeper issue that can't be ignored - Who am I without these things?
When the Outside Becomes the Focus
This outside-in approach can feel rewarding - for a while. It often begins with good intentions – to provide, perform, lead, and succeed. And for a time, we may experience real progress and recognition. But, eventually, cracks begin to appear.
We achieve, but feel restless and unfulfilled.
We produce, but lose peace of mind and motivation.
We succeed, but feel strangely disconnected from who we are and what once inspired us.
Outward success can bring satisfaction - but satisfaction isn't the same as wholeness. Over time, we can drift from our core - our values, purpose, and identity. And that drift carries a cost -
- Authentic relationships - when people connect with our image, instead of our true self.
- Clarity and confidence - when identity is shaped by outcomes, we stop leading intentionally and start reacting to circumstances and expectation.
- Resilience - when we're drawing strength from unstable sources.
- Integrity - when we become different people in different places, fractured by roles and expectations.
- Balance - when we overinvest in one area of life and neglect others.
And ultimately, it can cost us our sense of purpose and even our faith.
When we focus on what we do without understanding what drives us, fragmentation follows, even if everything looks fine on the outside.
We may acquire power, hold positions, gain status, or enjoy success - but we were never meant to be defined by those things. We are at our best when we live anchored in truth, shaped by purpose, and aligned with what matters most.
The 5 P's - Redeemed from the Inside Out
My issue isn't with the 5 P's themselves. Power, position, possessions, performance, and popularity aren't inherently wrong - each can contribute to a meaningful life. The problem comes when we treat them as our identity instead of as outcomes of a properly aligned life. It's not their presence that's the problem - it's the priority and power we assign them.
When we live from the inside out, each P is reframed - not as a measure of worth, but as an expression of it.
1. Power → Stewardship
Outside-In: Power is about control - used to protect status or shape outcomes.
Inside-Out: Power becomes stewardship - responsible influence used to serve others.
What changes:
- From control → to responsibility
- From ego → to impact
- From image management → to purposeful service
Stewardship respects power but refuses to worship it.
2. Position → Platform
Outside-In: Position validates worth - pursued to gain visibility or affirm identity
Inside-Out: Position becomes a platform - to live out values and lead with integrity.
What changes:
- From chasing status → to embracing responsibility
- From role-based identity → to purpose-fueled identity
- From self-importance → to servant leadership
When rooted in identity, position elevates others, not just ourselves.
3. Possessions → Provision
Outside-In: Possessions signal success and status.
Inside-Out: Possessions are resources - provisions to steward, support life, and serve.
What changes:
- From accumulation → to intentional stewardship
- From status in stuff → to usefulness in mission
- From comparing → to purposeful use
From "This proves my worth" → to "This serves my purpose."
4. Performance → Purpose-Driven
Outside-In: Performance defines self-worth - achievement becomes identity.
Inside-Out: Performance becomes a way to serve, reflect values, and advance purpose.
What changes:
- From proving value → to contributing with intention
- From chasing recognition → to fulfilling your mission
- From outcome-focused → to purpose-driven
Performance becomes a contribution, not a burden.
5. Popularity → Influence
Outside-In: Popularity is pursued for validation - seeking attention and approval.
Inside-Out: Influence is built through character, consistency, and trust.
What changes:
- From seeking attention → to leading with intention
- From being liked → to being trusted
- From striving to impress → to being authentic
Popularity fades, but influence endures, leaving a lasting impact.
When we live from the outside in, these five drivers become measures of worth. But from the inside out, they become expressions of purpose and reflections of identity - never substitutes for it.
Alignment Leads to Clarity - And That Changes Everything
There's a better way to live - and it doesn't start with doing more, but with aligning life around what truly matters.
When fear drives us - fear of not measuring up, being overlooked, or falling short - we keep striving but never feel settled. We work harder, but feel less centered and more anxious. That's because we're living from the outside in, trying to find clarity in outcomes rather than in intentional alignment.
Clarity doesn't come from doing more - it comes from being grounded and aligned with what we believe, value, and strive to live by.
When that alignment is in place, clarity begins to emerge, and everything starts to shift:
- Decisions reflect conviction, not compromise.
- Life mirrors your values, not your need to prove something.
- Relationships deepen with authenticity and trust.
- Leadership flows from identity, not from image or expectation.
This is what it means to live from the inside out - not to exhaust ourselves trying to prove we matter, but to live and lead with clarity - grounded in truth, purpose, and who we really are.
Final Thoughts
So, what do we lose when we build our lives around the wrong things?
We lose stability. We lose clarity. And too often, we lose ourselves, as I experienced early in life. That's why I so firmly believe in alignment.
In addition, the insights I've shared in this article come from hard-earned life lessons and the enduring truths of my faith.
In Matthew 7:24-27 and Luke 6:47-49, Jesus tells the story of two builders - one who built on rock, the other on sand. When the storms came, only one house stood firm. One builder had the wisdom to know the difference.
What type of foundation is your life built on?
Additionally, 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (ESV) This isn't just a statement - it's a correction. In a world drawn to what is visible, God calls us to focus on and value what is true in what we believe and who we are beneath the surface.
What do you value more - appearance or authenticity?
And in Mark 8:36, Jesus asks, "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" (ESV) It's a reminder that external success, if unanchored, can cost us what matters most - peace, purpose, identity, relationships and even our faith.
How might the pursuit of the 5 P's cost you more than you realize?
As I asked in the opening of this article -
Who are you without the 5 P's?
You were uniquely created with purpose - designed to live in alignment with truth, grounded in values, and capable of lasting impact. That identity doesn't fade when status changes or success shifts. It's what remains when everything else is stripped away.
Start there - because when your inner life and outer impact work together, not in competition, you don't just grow - you begin to thrive.