Stuck

“ If only…….”

I often hear this conditional clause from those who think all of their problems could be solved “if only” certain people, situations, issues, or their current environment would change. They wait and hope things will improve or the world around them aligns in just the right way. The result? Nothing changes, or things seem to get worse.

Or it may show up as “it’s all (fill in the blank) fault.” They project blame onto someone or something outside themselves. Conversely, some people always dump all the blame or responsibility on themselves.

These are just a few examples of distorted thinking that leaves a person stuck.

And there are many other reasons people can get stuck, such as –

• Stuck in your ways – thinking and acting in specific ways for so long that you cannot envision the benefit of venturing outside self-created and self-imposed boundaries.
• Stuck in your fears – feelings so dominate your thinking and decisions that stepping outside your comfort zone causes emotional stress, leading to an immediate retreat to the safe and familiar.
• Stuck from a lack of motivation – lacking the energy or desire to move forward due to either being burnt out or overwhelmed by your circumstances.
• Stuck in confusion or ambivalence – having no idea which way to go or difficulty evaluating options because of a flawed decision-making process, a lack of operating or guiding principles, or an absence of self-understanding.
• Stuck from a lack of self-efficacy – a lack of belief in yourself and your abilities or the presence of self-limited beliefs, leading to self-sabotage.
• Stuck due to a lack of resources or support – an inability to think outside the box creatively or an aversion to seeking the help of others.
• Stuck in the expectations of others or yourself – setting the bar too high, or the bar is never high enough, planning for a single giant leap instead of taking smaller steps, or the ladder you are expected to climb is not leaning against the right wall - the one that fits you.
• Stuck in the past – continuing entanglement with prior bad decisions or experiences, past mistakes or failures and their lingering effects that diminish your self-efficacy.
• Stuck due to risk or loss aversion – an over-sensitized capacity to anticipate harm, loss, or failure that creates mental paralysis, making forward movement difficult.
• Stuck due to indecisiveness or decision avoidance – ruminating or obsessing over your options and can’t decide, or having a “ducks in a row” mentality where everything must line up perfectly and in proper order.

The result is inaction while being stuck in a negative emotion al state. In severe cases, it can lead to mental anguish and stress that adversely affects physical health, relationships, productivity and outlook on life in general.

Worst of all, most people often do not realize they are stuck.

Why?

Over the years, more often than not, I noticed that people who are “stuck’ think the world around them needs to change, when many times, the change that needs to occur is within themselves.

And if there is any recognition of being stuck, most tend to ignore, discount or become confused with the thought of being responsible for finding the change that needs to occur within themselves. And even if people recognize it, they rarely know how to fix it themselves.

Most times, help is needed from someone who can ask the right questions.

Here are some questions I might ask in coaching and the reasoning behind the question to move beyond being stuck –

• If any of the above examples or thoughts resonate with you, what is your likelihood of being stuck?
  (You must become aware of and acknowledge that you are stuck.)
• What, within your control, might be causing you to be or remain stuck?
  (You must become aware of and identify the underlying cause(s) of being stuck, those within your control.)
• In what ways might you be responsible for being or remaining stuck?
  (You must assume responsibility and be accountable for your feelings, thinking, actions or inaction.)
• How might you think, act or interact differently to move beyond being stuck?
  (You must challenge and change your perspective from problem-focused to solution-focused.)
• What would “unstuck” look or feel like if you were already thinking, acting and interacting differently?
  (You must be able to envision being unstuck.)
• How would getting unstuck benefit you?
  (You must embrace the benefits of moving beyond stuck.)
• What are the negative consequences of remaining stuck?
  (You must acknowledge and embrace the discrepancy between the benefits of moving beyond being stuck versus the negative consequences of remaining stuck.)
• How important is it for you to move beyond being stuck?
  (You must be motivated, willing and ready to move beyond being stuck.)
• What actions in the form of thought, mindset or behavioral change will you take or experiment with to move beyond being stuck?
  (You must take action to move beyond stuck.)

So, why am I providing examples of why people might get stuck and a list of suggested questions to consider?

If this article can help only one person realize and accept they are “stuck” and aid them in addressing the issue themselves, it has been worth my time to write it.

And if you recognize you are stuck but can’t solve it alone, I hope you will understand that you are not alone. Most people have a hard time and need help. I know I do at times. Coaching can help you take small steps in the right direction to overcome being stuck while providing a safe and supportive environment to move forward, grow and prosper.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
— Martin Luther King Jr